私の英語は通じない

CustomerA: Hi.
Me: Hi, good evening.
CustomerA: Can I have two ten doller steaks?
Me: How cooked?
CustomerA: ???
Me: How cooked?
CustomerA: ??? Beg your pardon?
Me: How would you like your steak cooked?
CustomerA: ???
CustomerB: How do you want it cooked, rare, medium, well done?
CustomerA: Oh, medium. Rare to medium.
Me: Medium rare?
CustomerA: Yes.
Me: Mash or chips?
CustomerA: ???
CustomerB: Do you want to have fries or mash potato?
CustomerA: Fries.
Me: Any sauce? Mushroom, pepper or red wine?
CustomerA: ???
Me: Would you like some sauce with your steak?
CustomerB: Do you want to have sauce?
CustomerA: Tomato sauce.
Me: Ok, how about you?
CustomerB: Can I have medium well done, chips and redwine sauce?
Me: Chips and salad?
CustomerB: Yes, chips and salad.
Me: Anything else?
CustomerA: ???
CustomerB: Do you want to have bread?
CustomerA: No.
CustomerB: That's all.
Me: Twenty dollers, thank you.
CustomerA: Where are you from?
Me: I'm Japanese.
CustomerA: *sigh*
Me: ...

勤務を交代してもらいたいスタッフ

Staff: Hey, you don't work on Monday, do you?
Me: Yeah, I don't work on Monday. I meet a class mate in the city.
Staff: Ahhhh, really?
Me: Why?
Staff: My friend is having a birthday party on that day but I forgot to take the day off.
Me: Ahh. That night I'm free. We just have lunch. What time are you supposed to start?
Staff: Six pm.
Me: Six is fine. I'll be able to work for you.
Staff: Do yo want to have extra hours or do you want to swap my shift?
Me: Well, I needed extra money cos I didn't get enough shifts this week so extra hours sounds great.
Staff: Ohhh, thank you so much!
Me: No, thank you. Did you tell our manager?
Staff: Not yet. After this lunch shift I'll ask.
Me: Ok. Then he might call me later. No, worries.

チャーグリルって何ですか？

Customer: Excuse me, I ordered rare steak. But my steak is burned.
Me: Hmm, what's wrong with your steak?
Customer: Look at this. There it is burnt.
Me: Oh, our steak is char grilled steak. It's always charred on the outside.
Customer: What is char grilled?
Me: Char grilled means flame grilled. It is grilled over an open flame to quickly sear in the natural juices and flavour.
Customer: Oh, really?
Customer: (Customer cuts her steak.)
Customer: Oh, yes. This is rare steak. Is this normal steak in Australia? 
Me: Yes, it's the normal way to cook steak. The surface of the steak gets a little bit burned but it gets the smokey charred flavour.
Customer: Hmm, ok, I'll try it. Thank you.
Me: I hope you like it.

すごんで注文してきた強烈なお客さん

Me: Good evening. How are you?
Customer: (ﾒ￣Д￣) Do you know what do I want to have?
Me: No, sir.
Customer: Fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!!
Me: ...
Customer: Ha, Ha, Ha, ha!!!
Me: How can I help you? （￣-￣；）
Customer: Ha, Ha, Ha, ha. Steaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak! Medium! Chips! Salad! Pepper!
Me: Anything else?
Cusmomer: Nope.
Me: Ten dollers please.
Customer: Ha, Ha, Ha, ha!!!
Me: ...thank you.

注文が決まっていないのに決まっているというお客さん

Me: Good evening. Are you ready to order?
CustomerA: Yes, I am!  Can I have the fish and chips, and my wife wants to have the steak.
Me: Would you like to have deep fried or grilled fish?
CustomerA: Hmmm... Can I see the menu please.
Me: Here you are. Here is the fish. We have beer battered fish and grilled fish.
CustomerA: Hmm. Ok, battered fish, please.
Me: And also, how would you like her steak cooked?
CustomerA: Hmmm,,, Jess! JESS! How do you want it cooked?
CustomerB: Medium rare!
CustomerA: Medium rare, please.
Me: Chips or mash?
CustomerA: Ahhh. Jess! JESS! Hey!
CustomerA: Ahh, she doesn't notice. Can you wait for me just one moment please.

CustomerA: Chips, please.
Me: Any sauce?
CustomerA: Ah, Nooo. I'm sorry. Jess! JESS! Sauce! Sauce! What would you like?
CustomerB: Mushroom!
CustomerA: Mushroom sauce, please.
Me: Anything else?
CustomerA: Do you have a bread roll?
Me: Yes we have.
CustomerA: Jess! Jess! Do you wanna have some rolls?
CustomerB: No, I'm fine.
CustomerA: Can I have a bread roll with the meal.
Me: Is that all?
CustomerA: Yes. That's all.
Me: Thirty two dollers please.