私の英語は通じない

CustomerA: Hi.
Me: Hi, good evening.
CustomerA: Can I have two ten doller steaks?
Me: How cooked?
CustomerA: ???
Me: How cooked?
CustomerA: ??? Beg your pardon?
Me: How would you like your steak cooked?
CustomerA: ???
CustomerB: How do you want it cooked, rare, medium, well done?
CustomerA: Oh, medium. Rare to medium.
Me: Medium rare?
CustomerA: Yes.
Me: Mash or chips?
CustomerA: ???
CustomerB: Do you want to have fries or mash potato?
CustomerA: Fries.
Me: Any sauce? Mushroom, pepper or red wine?
CustomerA: ???
Me: Would you like some sauce with your steak?
CustomerB: Do you want to have sauce?
CustomerA: Tomato sauce.
Me: Ok, how about you?
CustomerB: Can I have medium well done, chips and redwine sauce?
Me: Chips and salad?
CustomerB: Yes, chips and salad.
Me: Anything else?
CustomerA: ???
CustomerB: Do you want to have bread?
CustomerA: No.
CustomerB: That's all.
Me: Twenty dollers, thank you.
CustomerA: Where are you from?
Me: I'm Japanese.
CustomerA: *sigh*
Me: ...

すごんで注文してきた強烈なお客さん

Me: Good evening. How are you?
Customer: (ﾒ￣Д￣) Do you know what do I want to have?
Me: No, sir.
Customer: Fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!!
Me: ...
Customer: Ha, Ha, Ha, ha!!!
Me: How can I help you? （￣-￣；）
Customer: Ha, Ha, Ha, ha. Steaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak! Medium! Chips! Salad! Pepper!
Me: Anything else?
Cusmomer: Nope.
Me: Ten dollers please.
Customer: Ha, Ha, Ha, ha!!!
Me: ...thank you.

注文が決まっていないのに決まっているというお客さん

Me: Good evening. Are you ready to order?
CustomerA: Yes, I am!  Can I have the fish and chips, and my wife wants to have the steak.
Me: Would you like to have deep fried or grilled fish?
CustomerA: Hmmm... Can I see the menu please.
Me: Here you are. Here is the fish. We have beer battered fish and grilled fish.
CustomerA: Hmm. Ok, battered fish, please.
Me: And also, how would you like her steak cooked?
CustomerA: Hmmm,,, Jess! JESS! How do you want it cooked?
CustomerB: Medium rare!
CustomerA: Medium rare, please.
Me: Chips or mash?
CustomerA: Ahhh. Jess! JESS! Hey!
CustomerA: Ahh, she doesn't notice. Can you wait for me just one moment please.

CustomerA: Chips, please.
Me: Any sauce?
CustomerA: Ah, Nooo. I'm sorry. Jess! JESS! Sauce! Sauce! What would you like?
CustomerB: Mushroom!
CustomerA: Mushroom sauce, please.
Me: Anything else?
CustomerA: Do you have a bread roll?
Me: Yes we have.
CustomerA: Jess! Jess! Do you wanna have some rolls?
CustomerB: No, I'm fine.
CustomerA: Can I have a bread roll with the meal.
Me: Is that all?
CustomerA: Yes. That's all.
Me: Thirty two dollers please.

ビフォアミディアムというお客さん

Me: Hello. Can I help you?
CustomerA: For me, steak.
Me: How cooked?
CustomerA: Before medium.
Me: Medium rare?
CustomerA: Blood, blood.
Me: Rare?
CustomerA: Rare is blood?
Me: Yes, it's blood inside. Blue, rare, medium rare are "before medium".
CustomerA: Ok. For me, rare. For her medium rare.
Me: Chips or mash?
CustomerA: Hmm, chips. 
CustomerB: For me, mash.
Me: Any sauce?
CustomerA: Yes. For me, mushroom.
CustomerB: For me, pepper sauce.
Me: Ok. I got two steaks. First one is rare, chips and salad, mushroom sauce?
CustomerA: For me, yes.
Me: Second one is medium rare, mash and salad, pepper sauce?
CustomerB: For me, yes.
Me: Anything else?
CustomerA: No.
Me: Thank you. Twenty dollers please.

コーヒーの注文いろいろ

Me: Hello, how are you? What would you like?
Customer: Do you have skim milk?
Me: Yes we have.
Customer: That's good. Can I have a skim milk decaf cappuccino?
Me: Sure, no worries.

Me: Hello, how are you? What would you like?
Customer: Do you have coffee?
Me: Yes we do. What kind of coffee would you like?
Customer: What kind?? Coffee,,,. White coffee please.
Me: Which would you like to have? Cappuccino, flat white or latte?
Customer: Ohhh, ok, ok, ok. I understand. Can I have a latte please.
Me: Sure. No problem.

Me: Hello, how are you? What would you like?
Customer: Can I have a soy latte?
Me: Sorry, we are out of soy today.
Customer: Ahh noo. Ok, do you have skim milk?
Me: Yes we have.
Customer: Can I have a skim latte? Can you make extremely hot?
Me: Sure. No worries.

Me: Hello, how are you? What would you like?
Customer: Can I have a strong mugcchino?
Me: Of course you can.
Customer: Can you make more frothy?
Me: Sure. No worries.

Me: Hello, how are you? What would you like?
Customer: Can I have a cappuccino without chocolate top?
Me: Sure. No worries.

Me: Hello, how are you? What would you like?
Customer: Hmmmmmm.....
Me: Do you need help?
Customer: Hmmmmmm..... nnnNooo.
Me: ...
Customer: ...Can I have this? This, this.
Me: Short black?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Sure.

Me: Here is your short black.
Customer: .... (＠_＠;) ....

Customer: え～？これ？ちっちゃ～、、、。(That's small,,,)

Me: （￣□￣；）あっ、日本人の方でしたか？ (Ohh, are you Japanese?)

Customer: （＠д＠) えっ？日本人？(Wow. Japanese?)

Me: ショートブラックはエスプレッソと同じなんですよ～。(Short black is same as espresso.)

Customer:　あ～、そうだったんですか？ロングとショートだったからカップが大きいのと小さいのだと思いました～。
(Ah, I see. I thought "long" and "short" are "big size" or "small size".)

Me: 日本で普通に飲まれているコーヒーだとロングブラックになりますけど、ロングブラックの方がよかったですか？
( If you would like "coffee" than its the same as long black here. Do you want a long black? )

Customer: いいんですか？　じゃ～、すみませんけどロングブラックでお願いします。
(Really? Well, can I have a long black? Thank you.)

Me:　いいですよ。すぐ作り直しますね。(No worries. I'll make your coffee right away.)